Where My Demons Hide
by liquidmetaldarkling
Summary: Lara is back from Siberia. She goes to the guest house and finds Ana's belongings.


**After replaying the "Blood Ties" DLC I really wanted Lara to look at Ana's belongings too. She sadly didn't so I wrote it myself. Almost everything in here are my own headcanons I have for Ana.**

**Xxxxx**

Lara opened the door to the guest house. She hasn't been in here for years but now that Ana is gone she had to clear out the house.

The whole house seemed clean and tidy. Ana always liked her home this way. Never once Lara saw the house messed up.

With slow steps Lara walked towards the little table in front of her. A letter was lying on it. The young woman opened it to read.

_Ana,_

_We know where the Divine Source is. Trinity gave us a huge troop of soldiers to find it._

_Our flight to Siberia starts in two days. I will pick you up at 4am to make sure Croft doesn't see us._

_Konstantin_

"I don't know how Trinity was able to be in Siberia before me."Lara thought and closed the letter.

A loud noise of something crashing made Lara turn around in shock. She saw the open bathroom door and made her way to the room. She cursed herself for not bringing a weapon with her as she came closer. Siberia didn't make her paranoia better.

When she made the final steps to the bathroom she saw make-up on the floor. "It's probably because of the open window and the storm outside." Lara told herself and crouched down to pick the make-up up.

_Lara was 6 years old when she first found Ana's make-up drawer. She opened it._

"_Listen, Winston is still out to buy groceries." Lara heard her father saying. "I need you to watch her till he is back. I have to meet this contact."_

_The young girl took a red lipstick and tried to apply it on her lips._

"_Don't worry, I will watch her." Ana replied to Richard's request._

_Lara looked into the mirror and saw that not only her lips but also her cheeks were painted red now._

"_Lara, I will have to go and meet someone…" Richard said while walking into the bathroom. "What happened to you?" he asked and crouched next to his daughter._

_Lara smiled and held up the lipstick. "Am I pretty now?"_

_Richard laughed but Ana behind him didn't look amused about it. "You always look great, Lara; With and without make-up." Then Richard got up. "I will be back in a few hours. Be nice to Ana."_

"_I will be." Lara promised._

_Richard kissed Ana on the cheek and then walked out._

"_Can you show what to do with the rest?" Lara asked her father's new girlfriend._

_Ana crouched down and pulled out make-up remover. "Let's get you cleaned up first."_

"I rarely use make-up now. But it was fun trying it." Lara thought and put the make-up into a bag. She placed the bag on the sink where a bottle of pills and a receipt were lying in it. The woman picked it up and looked at it.

"Ana's pills for her illness. She didn't take them with her to Siberia. She placed all her hope in finding the Divine Source." Lara realized and quietly put the pill in the bag too.

Lara walked out of the bathroom and found Ana's key lying on the cabinet. "Ana left her keys behind. She didn't plan on returning here." Lara placed the keys in her pocket and then found another letter from Ana's brother.

_Ana,_

_I've heard from your doctor you're refusing to stop smoking. We both know it would be the best for your health to stop it._

_Please, listen to him. The cancer will only grow faster._

_I don't want to lose you._

_Konstantin_

"Konstantin seemed to keep track on Ana and even had contact with her doctor. I don't know if I find this cute or disturbing." Lara thought and placed the letter back on the spot.

Lara turned towards the kitchen to find a drawing on the fridge. It was a picture she drew for Ana a long time ago. It showed a tiger taking a bath in a river.

"I can't believe she kept this on her fridge. Sometimes I can't believe the woman who tried to kill me is the same woman who used to live here."

The brunette woman walked into the living room.

"_Lara, you need to hold still." Ana told the young Lara who sat in front of her while Ana brushed the girl's hair._

"_I am so excited!" Lara almost yelled and turned her head to Ana. "It's my first party!"_

"_Lara, turn around!" Ana said and Lara turned around again._

"_I want a French braid!" Lara exclaimed._

"_I know, Lara." Ana replied and started to braid Lara's hair._

"Ana did have a talent for braiding hair. Too bad she rarely used that talent on her own hair." Lara thought and without wanting it she sat down on the sofa.

They used to tease her in school for being too much of a boy and not girly-like. Ana did help her a lot with that. She always did her hair in a cool way and the other girls were jealous. Lara still isn't very girly but she is grateful to Ana for showing her the "female" side.

After a few moments Lara got up again and took a deep breath she would walk into the bedroom next and she was sure that most of the things she would discover there would show her the side of Ana she got to know in Siberia.

She opened the door to the bedroom and had to think of the time she hid in the walk-in closet.

"_I just got home, Richard. I will look for her with Winston… Don't worry, we will find her." Lara heard Ana saying._

_Lara giggled to herself and tried her best to stay quiet._

"_Lara?" Ana called and opened the door to her walk-in closet. She turned the lights on and then pushed the dresses aside. Behind them she found Lara sitting in the corner smiling._

"_Ana, you found me!" Lara yelled happily._

_Ana didn't look as happy as Lara. "Get out of the closet!" she ordered and Lara's smiled faded._

_The little girl slowly came out of the closet and walked to the bedroom._

_Ana took a deep breath. She shouldn't snap at Lara. Richard wouldn't approve it. "Lara, I am sorry. We were worried about you." She told the girl and crouched before her._

"_I really like your closet." Lara replied._

"_I know. Next time make sure someone knows where you are." Ana touched Lara's face. "And don't leave such a mess behind."_

_Lara smiled and looked at the clothes which were lying around the bedroom._

"I did love her closet way too much. I even tried on some of her clothes when she wasn't around." Lara smiled to herself in the memory of always hiding from Winston and trying to dress herself in Ana's blouses.

Then she remembered seeing a box in the closet when she was in there. She never asked Ana about it but now Lara was sure that Ana hid something regarding Trinity in it. Pushing a few clothes aside she found it.

It was a little red metal box which was of course closed. Lara took the box and sat down on the floor with it. With the keys she found she was able to open the lock of the box.

Lara waited a few moments and took a deep breath. She had to admit she was afraid of what she might find in it.

After opening it she found two pictures on the top of a few letters.

Lara looked at the first photo. "This one shows Ana and Konstantin on their Graduation of college in Tucson, Arizona. They graduated the same day. Are they twins? I wonder what course of studies they did."

Then she looked at the other one. "Another picture of Konstantin and Ana. Both are dressed up. Maybe for a weeding?"

Lara placed both pictures aside and opened the first letter.

_Ana,_

_I just heard about your undercover mission. I am glad Trinity finally gave you a huge assignment. I don't understand what took them so long._

_Don't worry about Konstantin he will be fine soon. He is just worried._

_I am sure you will be fine and you will be able to finish the mission successfully. I am so proud of you. I wish you best of luck._

_Your father_

"This is written in Russian. I didn't know Ana's father was Russian. Was her father also part of Trinity?" Lara asked herself. She started to ask more and more questions about Ana and slowly realized that Ana wasn't just evil. Everything about her was complicated.

_Ana,_

_I talked to D. I told him about your doubts and he seemed to understand them. He said he would do it himself. All you have to do is to let him in._

_Just keep playing your role while he is around. Nothing will happen to you, I promise you._

_If you need me after it you know where to find me._

_Konstantin_

"What is Konstantin talking about? Doubts about what? And who the hell is D.? Maybe Trinity's head? I really need to find that out."

Lara placed everything back into the box and closed it. For now it wasn't that bad but she was sure she would find out more about Ana in here. She took the box and placed it on the bed. It didn't take her long to find her diary in a drawer next to the bed.

Lara sat down on the bed and slowly opened the first page.

_I forgot my birthday today. This whole undercover mission has all of my attention. I hope I will get used to it soon._

_Richard came to me this morning. He woke me with the smell of tea and eggs. No one ever bought me breakfast to bed. I have to admit I liked that. Richard even gave me a present, a golden bracelet. I asked him why he gave me it. He was shocked and almost thought he had remembered the wrong date but I realized that I just forgot my birthday._

_We spend a long time in bed together. I certainly could get used to this luxury._

_Later that day I got a letter from Konstantin wishing me a happy birthday. At least he remembered our birthday._

"So Ana and Konstantin really are twins." Lara realized "Also Dad always knew how to make a birthday special." Lara said and had to think about her birthday expedition. Then she opened the next page.

_Today is the anniversary of Amelia Croft's death. Richard had locked himself in his office. Lara is crying in her room. She would need her father now._

_She reminds me of myself. I knew my mother longer than she did but still the pain is the same. My father hasn't been there for us much. But on the anniversary of her death he went with Konstantin and me to our mother's grave._

_I don't know how many times I had asked Richard to tell me about his wife's grave. He never told me. I tried to explain that it would be good for Lara to be there to finally say goodbye. He never listened._

_I tried my best to comfort Lara but it is hard. I've never been good with children. She might not be my mission but she is suffering and her father won't help her so I will at least try._

"Dad didn't even talk to me about my mother. It's good to know Ana at least had some real emotions about me. And her words comforted me at least a bit." Lara closed her eyes Ana's words made sense. She would have needed her dad and her mother's grave to say goodbye.

Lara opened the next page

_I am pregnant. I have no idea how this happened. Richard and I always used protection. Neither of us wanted a child and now here I am with a positive pregnancy test in my hands._

_All I want to do now is calling Konstantin but he is on a mission with Trinity in India._

_I have to tell Richard. It's his child too. _

_No, first I need an appointment with my gynecologist. She has to tell me it's real. The test could be wrong, couldn't it?_

_A child with Richard…It would only complicated matters with my mission. And yet I could imagine myself being a mother…_

_I need to sort my thoughts. I am not thinking clearly. _

_I never wanted a child._

"Ana was pregnant? I know she never had a child. I've never seen her pregnant. What happened?" Lara asked.

_I was 8 weeks pregnant and I miscarried. I don't know why it did happen. All I know is that I wanted the baby. I've heard the baby's heartbeat only 2 weeks before. And now…I can't believe it._

_Richard didn't know and I will keep it this way. I wanted to tell him after my first ultrasound but he left for another expedition._

_I told Konstantin. He drove to the house. Neither of us thought of the possibility of Lara seeing us. Konstantin hugged me and I started to cry._

_In this moment I'm glad he moved to London to make sure I would be fine. He provided me the comfort I needed._

_I've never thought I wanted a child but now…When all of this is over maybe I can start over with a man who wants a family too._

"I never knew. I remember Ana being a bit different when dad went to South Africa for a few weeks but I didn't question it. I feel sorry for her…She won't be able to live that life now." Lara felt a pain in her chest after reading it. She felt sorry for Ana.

But then she also started to imagine what would have happened if the baby had survived, if Ana would have given birth to it. Would it have changed something? Would her father have been more at home and Trinity wouldn't want his death?

A child could have changed much. Life could be different now. Lara could have been a big sister.

After taking a few moments to gather her thoughts Lara turned the page to read the next entry.

_Lately I've been thinking a lot about my past live. About what would be different if our father wouldn't have been a member of Trinity._

_I am sure we wouldn't have lived the way we did; in such a nice house with pool and a huge garden. But what would have happened to me and Konstantin? _

_Would we still have studied? Would I still have cut those marks in Konstantin's hands?_

_Where would we work now? Would his marriage have lasted? _

_Would I have a family?_

_I should stop wondering. I am living here and now. And I have a purpose here, a mission. My life means something. It wouldn't be that way if my father wouldn't have raised us to members of Trinity._

"Ana's father was a member of Trinity and made sure his children would follow his footsteps. Ana didn't have much of a choice."

Lara read the next entry.

_Today I got the message to kill Richard. I don't think I can. I met with Konstantin after it. I told him about my doubts of not being able to do it. I didn't tell him that I love Richard but I think that he already knows it._

_Konstantin told me we would find a way to get Trinity to send someone else. I wanted to stop him but then Trinity would want my death too, not even Konstantin could protect me from that._

"Ana really did love dad but in the end her own life was more valuable to her than his…Konstantin got someone else to do it. Was it that person called D. from the letter he wrote?"

Lara pulled the letter Konstantin wrote his sister from the red box and read the first few lines again.

_I talked to D. I told him about your doubts and he seemed to understand them. He said he would do it himself. All you have to do is to let him in._

Lara took a deep breath. She was sure it was connected. Konstantin wasn't lying when he said Trinity had killed her father, neither was Ana when she said she couldn't do it. She had to find this person who killed her father but all she had was this letter.

Lara knew what would come next in the diary; The day of her father's death.

_It's done. Richard Croft is dead. And it's my fault._

_I let him in. I led him to Richard's office. I left them alone._

_All I heard was the shot which set an end to Richard's life. I wish I hadn't helped Trinity to kill him. I wish I would have just disappeared and let them do without me._

_What have I done? I am responsible of the death of my lover and father to a 9 year old daughter…Lara._

_I heard her running through the hall and ran after her. She shouldn't have seen him like this but I was too slow. I didn't know what to do I hugged her, pulled her away from the scene._

_He is not the first person who died because of me and I am sure it won't be the last. But he was different. I liked spending my life with him. I loved him._

Lara had tears in her eyes. She remembered that day.

_Lara ran into her father's office. "Dad, is everything alright?" she walked slowly closer. "Dad?" She saw the blood, the gun, the newspaper with his face on it. Lara had no idea what was going on._

"_Lara!" Ana called from behind and walked next to her._

"_Is he…?" Lara started but stopped as tears streamed down her face._

_Ana crouched down and hugged her. Lara cried into her chest. "I am sorry." Ana whispered._

_After some time she picked Lara up and walked with the crying child in her arms out of the room._

Tears streamed down Lara's face. After all these years nothing hurt more than the death of her parents. Lara closed the book. She didn't feel like continuing to read it. After all the good memories she realized again why she hated Ana so much.

It took her a while to calm down. She dried the tears and opened the diary again.

_I wanted to adopt Lara. I felt like I owed Richard that much._

_Konstantin stopped me. He told me I would get too emotional about the situation and he is probably right. He told me to go home for a while._

_Home. For years the Manor was my home. _

_He placed the key of his house in Tucson into my hands and told me to leave London._

_I didn't want to but even Conrad Roth told me to go away for a while. He would look after Lara and said I could stay in the guest house once I return._

_Both of them knew how much Richard's death got me, except that one knew much more about it._

_Tomorrow I will leave Europe and go back to my hometown. I hope it will help me._

"Ana wanted to adopt me? I am glad Konstantin stopped her. I would have ended up with Trinity too. Maybe it was her plan; to make me a Trinity soldier." Lara just shook her head and turned the page.

_Trinity told me to keep an eye on Lara. She might get dangerous, they said. So packed my things to go back to London._

_I spent almost one year in Arizona. I even had the chance to spend one month with Konstantin until he had another Trinity mission. I enjoyed the time very much. I was able to forget the Crofts._

_Now that I have to go back to this life I feel the pain again. But I have to keep going for Trinity, for my father._

_I hope I have enough distance to Lara now that I will do whatever Trinity wants me to do this time._

"Ana tried to keep me at distance after her time in Tucson. And as I know now, it wanted to kill me Siberia." Lara thought.

_Today they diagnosed me with lung cancer. They told me it's most likely because of my smoking habit._

_I don't know what to do now. I can already hear Konstantin's words in my head saying "I told you so."_

_I am not ready to die. There is so much I want to do in this life, so much I want to see. I just want…_

"After that she didn't continue to write. I guess the situation was too much for her." Lara couldn't imagine what she would have done if she was diagnosed with cancer and she didn't want to think about it. Instead she started to read the next entry.

_Konstantin, my doctor and even Richard before he died, told me to stop smoking. They don't know how hard it is to stop. It's an addiction._

_I tried it before for Richard and it didn't work. As long as he has been with me it had been easier for me not to give into my cravings. Who would have thought I could stop it for a man? _

_Then he had another expedition__and I started again. I realized how much I missed it._

_I know that it won't be good for my health but once we find the divine source it won't matter anymore._

Lara closed the book and placed it aside. She took a deep breath and thought about everything she read.

"_All this confused me even more. Where did Ana's acting end and her real feelings start? I hate her for betraying my family, my father, me…but I can't pretend that I didn't love her as a step-mom. Even if it was just acting her words and acts sometimes helped me when I was young. She tired being nice, she tried to care about me, to help me. She gave me attention. _

_Still the pain of her betrayal is fresh and the first thing which comes to my mind when I think about her. I will never forgive her that and yet the other part of me just wants her to rest in peace."_


End file.
